I Won’t Let Work Kill Me.

I wasn’t personally close to this individual – but I remember feeling gutted. How heartbreaking to think that after a lifetime of sacrifices and putting things on hold, you didn’t even get a chance to enjoy all of the things you had promised yourself you would.

I was already having a hard time internalizing the idea of working for 40+ years like this, let alone the thought that it could all be for nothing.

Now, do I think that work actually killed this individual? No… not really.

But I do think that corporate work is really good at making their employees prioritize the job over everything else – and I wasn’t going to let that happen to me.

When I first started working, I realized something right out of the gate – no one takes care of themselves. But I didn’t understand why.

You have the young professionals that still have some energy. They’re holding on to their fast metabolisms, and are unburdened by responsibilities outside of the office. They can occasionally make it to the gym, or go on adventures on the weekend.

But what I found was, after some time, this weird thing happens. Things in your personal life change, but the one, unwavering, constant in life, is the responsibility to your job – what a deal!

And as these personal things add up – or as I like to call them, reasons for existing – you have to make sacrifices at every turn.

Unfortunately, it appears as though the only thing you can’t sacrifice is the responsibility to your job.

So people try their best to make time for these selfish, personal things. They order take out to not waste time cooking. They skip their morning workout to beat traffic into the office. They pay for house cleaners, landscapers, and even for laundry services, just so they can make time for their family’s busy schedules. They even forgo hobbies that bring them joy altogether, simply because there is no time.

Everything can be sacrificed – except work. Or can it?

When my wife and I had our first child, I had just gotten a promotion at work. It was a sales position with some pretty big responsibility. The pay was much better than what I had previously been making, but it quickly became clear that the company now owned me. I had a newborn at home and not only was I missing out, but I was completely stressed.

After doing this for almost 2 years, I was able to take some paternity leave for the birth of our second child.

I know what you’re thinking – there he goes again, doing another one of those “personal things”. If you were stressed and missing out on your first child, why did you even bother to have a second one?! The Forge Father must be incredibly selfish.

But I loved being a dad, and we were building our family. This was the most important thing in my life.

I couldn’t let work get the best of me. But we also needed money to survive.

I already had my plan to reach financial independence in place, and it was well underway. I felt like we were in a good financial position, and the extra pay from this job just wasn’t worth it. I looked around at the openings within the company and found a position that I was slightly over qualified for. It was more of a support role to the position I was currently in. I knew for that reason I’d be a great fit, but I would have to give up my sweet sales bonus to do it.

So I sacrificed some of my work responsibilities.

I explained that I wanted to be in a role where I could still excel in my work, but I wanted something more stable that allowed me the flexibility to be with my family. I was clear with my intentions and they accepted.

I was giving up something to get something. It was a fair trade. And I soon realized in my new position that by being clear with my intentions, I now had leverage in my new role.

For example, the office was closing one of their buildings and consolidating into a central location. They didn’t have desks for everyone, so the managers polled their people to see if they wanted to have a desk in the building or if they wanted to work remotely.

My manager was great, but they liked having everyone in the office. If I had just been promoted to this job, rather than demoting myself into it, I would have most likely felt obligated to do what my manager obviously wanted us all to do. But this wasn’t the case. I said I would prefer to work remote, and I’m happy to come in if the team ever wants to get together, be it professionally or socially. I had just given up money to be in this position for this exact reason. All of a sudden I was fully remote and it was amazing.

Working remotely has led to all sorts of opportunities that have changed my life for the better.

• I get to be present with my family in the morning
• I get to eat real, healthy meals throughout the day
• I get to push my kids on the swings at lunch, or have a watergun fight in the middle of a hot summer (work)day
• I found an entire gym set – a squat rack, barbell, weights, etc. on Facebook Market place (for cheap!) to make a home gym
• I bought a treadmill
• I get to help with simple chores like laundry and dishes
• I can watch the baby monitor while my wife takes the kids to the park down the street

Now some of you will read this as being amazing (it is) and others will read this as I’m stealing time from work and taking advantage. However, I would argue that none of this is stealing time from the office any more than having casual conversations with coworkers, or going for a walk around the building to stretch your legs. It’s simply a more efficient use of my time.

• Instead of a commute into the office, I have time with my family before getting to work in the basement office/gym/laundry room
• Instead of packing my lunch and waiting for the microwave at the office, or even worse, having to spend money to eat out every day because you forgot to pack a lunch or are too rushed to even want to do it, I get to eat healthy homecooked meals.
• Instead of packing clothes to use the insufficient gym at the office, and rushing a work out to make time for my shower, I can do it at lunch or anywhere in between meetings given my new flexible schedule.
• Instead of Bob or Mary getting my ear for a casual conversation (I do love seeing Bob and Mary though) I can move the laundry from washer to dryer, or load the dishwasher.
• And watching the baby monitor while my wife is able to run a quick chore out of the house or take the kids somewhere close by where she couldn’t otherwise do it, makes a huge difference in our family’s day-to-day, but takes literally no effort on my end.

And the proof is in the production. Not only have I been executing as required, but I’ve even filled in for a sales rep who went out on paternity because I used to do the job. I had to present to the customers and manage a whole slew of things in their absence. So I know I’m brining value to the team.

I realized that success in life is all about where you choose to put your energy

Some people want to climb the corporate ladder. They work tirelessly and do a great job. We need these people, they lead our companies.

But I want to put my energy into building stronger bonds with my children, and always growing my relationship with my wife. I want to reach my financial goals, and I don’t need to go any higher in my career in order to do that. If you climb too high, it has a way of consuming you and it just becomes part of your identity. It’s not for me.

I don’t think I’ll be in line for the next promotion on my team. I’m not even sure that I’d want it.

And I don’t think I’ll get the biggest bonus when they’re divvying it up.

But I do know that the moments and memories I’ve been able to enjoy with my family during my time working remotely have been worth more than any sales bonus would have provided.

My health and fitness have also never been better. My actual body composition has changed (from “meh” to muscles) during my time working remotely. I’m getting closer to 40 and I’m in the best shape of my life, just because I can routinely eat real food and work out at some point throughout the day, wherever my schedule allows.

I understand that life isn’t fair and you never know when your time is going to be up. I have a plan to reach financial independence and retire from the corporate world as early as possible. I have a plan to enjoy all of the things I promised myself I would. And I hope I get there.

For now, I need a job to make money – but I won’t let work kill me.

While I’m here, I’m going to give my energy to the things that make me happiest and healthiest.

What are some of the ways you’ve improved your working life? How have you adjusted your schedule to put more of your energy into the things that matter most to you?